Happy Birthday Mike!!!

Happy Birthday Mike!

Hey Mike. I know your birthday is coming up soon and, to celebrate the occasion, I want you to do me a favor. I want you to hit me as hard as you can. Surprise me. C'mon, do this one favor. How much can you know about yourself, never been in a fight?? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on, for your birthday man, hit me before I lose my nerve. But wait.....I have a question first. Did you know if you mixed equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate, you can make napalm? That's right; one can make all kinds of explosives using simple household items. If one were so inclined. And hey....you know why they put oxygen masks on planes? Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. But wait....one more question for your birthday. Do you know what a duvet is? It's a blanket. Just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and me know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then, Mike? We are consumers. We're the byproducts of a lifestyle obsession. I don't mean to depress you on your special day, but.... in the world I see, it's your birthday Mike and you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You're climbing the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. You are not a beautiful snowflake. You are the same organic decaying matter as everything else. You're the middle child of history, man. No purpose, no place. But don't let that depress you Mike. Hey, even the Mona Lisa's falling apart. Just try and have a happy birthday, despite all of this. And above all else, always remember......sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. Have fun, man. Tyler Durden

Happy Birthday Mike